Okay...so I wasn't going to blog this, but maybe I will feel a small justice. I went on my first date in about 3 years. I was excited, nervous, unsure...the whole thing. However, I was ready to jump back in the saddle. After what happened, I didn't even want to say that I participated. I called my sister on the way home and spilled the story. After that I proceeded to call anyone who would answer and of course email the rest. I met this guy on Match.com and (wrongly) assumed that he was normal...well at least not a dickhead. Below I copied the email that I've been copying to friends. It's poorly written -but you'll get the gist of it. I also think that I will blog something immediately afterwards so that this blog and the experience will disappear.
we met at panera.
I paid for my own coffee and he drank nothing...even though I offered to buy.
eh...not too impressed, but i WAS willing to see him again until he said this....
we saw this two women walk out with fur coats on. he made a comment that he thought they looked goofy. i told him i actually liked fur coats and that my mother had just bought one off of ebay this week. i said that she bought a raccoon fur coat. (weird, but she did) he replies wiht this.
"so what did they do? have some black guy trap all the coons and skin 'em?"
i replied (fucking open jawed and stunned) "um...no. i was thinking more of a roadkill coat."
WHAT? are you kidding? i'm still in awe of what a racist remark that was....AND of course when he said it, there was some black guy standing behind him (in full view of me) -(murphy's law) i was so fucking mortified. i couldn't even look at him after that. on the phone the other night he made some comment about black people then, but i dismissed it as me not understanding him...he asked if i had a lot of black kids in my school. i told him yeah. he alluded to them being the "bad" kids in my room. i told him that my white kids were just as bad. he then said, "there weren't any black people in my highschool. we never had any trouble. it was fine like that."
he's also a name dropper. "i had a fake rolex...it was pretty damn good, too. you couldn't hardly tell the difference between that one and my real one." "god. i pay so much for rent. like a $1000/month. Do you know what kind of car i could drive for that much money?"
at least i went. like i said, i wasn't that impressed with him to begin with, but the "black guy skinning the coons" comment pretty much put the icing on the cake. i WAS thinking i could possibly be friends with him...let's just say i hope he fades away. i will most definitely not be bringing him to any of our social functions.
next, please!!
Ugh. I can't even believe I met someone like this. Now, I may have lived in an Amish town for 7 years with one stoplight that blinked after 6, but Jesus...I did get a little cultured! You probably think this guy is your typical white trash. No. He is educated, half Asian and from the "dirty South" (thanks Danni!) Not that all racists have to be WASPs but you'd think that he'd have some class. What's scary is a comment made by my friend, Danni. "Most people are on their best behavior on the first date." -->If that was first date behavior...shit, I'd hate to see if he was comfortable. And one from, Angie..."I swear. This is what it is like below the Mason-Dixson Line." Thank God I jumped off the Duke train to Pitt this year for March Madness..heheh.
Whatever...it's over.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Maybe a Bear Isn't So Scary Afterall...
Sp Doug emailed me what he thought about my dream...
The bear is upcoming dates -- you are afraid [rightly so -- it's tough to get back on the horse] of starting to date again. Neville is there because he's a comfort for you. The goat with the nice fur represents your family and collective comforts of Uniontown [that's why you were walking Neville from your house]. Neville also represents your subconcious -- the part of you telling yourself you need to get out there and date.
Why else did the dream start w/you in your last ex's apt with him and his current girlfriend -- time to move get out there and date.
It happened. I actually talked to a guy from Match.com. He emailed first so I responed etc... He gave me his phone number, but since I've adopted the "no calling" rule in my life I did email him a lame excuse of why I didn't call, but gave him my phone number. We talked and he seems pretty fun. And...he actually asked to meet up sometime soon. Shit. It's been so long since someone has said that (um...let's say almost 3 years...wait. Longer than that considering I asked ex#4 first!) I felt like Cindy Brady on the quiz show and Marcia was yelling, "Baton Rouge! Baton Rouge!" I finally sputtered up enough to say, "Sure."
I figure this. Even if I don't get a date out of it, I think I've conquered some fears and milestones in jumping back into the dating arena. I'm petting the goat...and the bear is looking right at me.
The bear is upcoming dates -- you are afraid [rightly so -- it's tough to get back on the horse] of starting to date again. Neville is there because he's a comfort for you. The goat with the nice fur represents your family and collective comforts of Uniontown [that's why you were walking Neville from your house]. Neville also represents your subconcious -- the part of you telling yourself you need to get out there and date.
Why else did the dream start w/you in your last ex's apt with him and his current girlfriend -- time to move get out there and date.
It happened. I actually talked to a guy from Match.com. He emailed first so I responed etc... He gave me his phone number, but since I've adopted the "no calling" rule in my life I did email him a lame excuse of why I didn't call, but gave him my phone number. We talked and he seems pretty fun. And...he actually asked to meet up sometime soon. Shit. It's been so long since someone has said that (um...let's say almost 3 years...wait. Longer than that considering I asked ex#4 first!) I felt like Cindy Brady on the quiz show and Marcia was yelling, "Baton Rouge! Baton Rouge!" I finally sputtered up enough to say, "Sure."
I figure this. Even if I don't get a date out of it, I think I've conquered some fears and milestones in jumping back into the dating arena. I'm petting the goat...and the bear is looking right at me.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Strange Dreams....
So for those of you who know me, lived with me (even if we were seperated by "The Heavies" house) or had me wake up next to you....you know the first words out of my mouth. "So I had the most fucked up dream..." I've always had strange dreams. Very vivid. Even details such as smell and temperature. "So I had the most fucked up dream..."
I had this dream last night that I was at my ex's (#4) house and I knew he was dating someone else. We were broken up for a long time, but I was irritated at the fact that he wouldn't tell me . (This probably goes back to the fact that he always lied.) Anyway, I grabbed this dried rose that was in a vase, crushed it and told him I knew he was dating someone and he should just fess up. He then told me I was psycho and why would I even care. I told him I didn't, I was simply proving a point.
I then proceeded to go outside to walk my dog. However, there was a bear outside so I was afraid to go for he would eat me and the dog. I eventually went and right as the dog stopped to pee, a goat appeared. I looked at the goat -as it was standing up like a person, wearing a pink and blue striped sweater and looking a lot like Paige Davis from Trading Spaces- and started to pet it. As I did, I then saw that it WAS a person with a furry type coating on them similar to the fuzzy stuff on the inside of a glove compartment of a car. So I pet her (Paige) on the arm and thought, "Awe. How cute? A goat person." I then woke up.
Strange thing...when I was really walking the dog this morning, I saw HUGE paw prints in the snow and thought, "Did I dream about the bear or was it for real?"
I have nothing more interesting to blog about, so I thought I'd share that with you. Any thoughts?
I had this dream last night that I was at my ex's (#4) house and I knew he was dating someone else. We were broken up for a long time, but I was irritated at the fact that he wouldn't tell me . (This probably goes back to the fact that he always lied.) Anyway, I grabbed this dried rose that was in a vase, crushed it and told him I knew he was dating someone and he should just fess up. He then told me I was psycho and why would I even care. I told him I didn't, I was simply proving a point.
I then proceeded to go outside to walk my dog. However, there was a bear outside so I was afraid to go for he would eat me and the dog. I eventually went and right as the dog stopped to pee, a goat appeared. I looked at the goat -as it was standing up like a person, wearing a pink and blue striped sweater and looking a lot like Paige Davis from Trading Spaces- and started to pet it. As I did, I then saw that it WAS a person with a furry type coating on them similar to the fuzzy stuff on the inside of a glove compartment of a car. So I pet her (Paige) on the arm and thought, "Awe. How cute? A goat person." I then woke up.
Strange thing...when I was really walking the dog this morning, I saw HUGE paw prints in the snow and thought, "Did I dream about the bear or was it for real?"
I have nothing more interesting to blog about, so I thought I'd share that with you. Any thoughts?
Monday, January 24, 2005
Nothing.
Damn cold here. Everyone else got a ton of snow except for us. I kind of wish we would have. The only thing I got today was food poisoning and I think bronchitis again. I felt sick this morning but dismissed it to an excessive amount of hot totties. Not the case being that when I arrived at school, one by one the teachers I work with were feeling the same. We all watched the game together and ate the same things....gross. And, the cold I've been fighting off is starting to turn exactly the same as before. I've got a plane to catch in 10 days. No way I can get sick now. Well...enough of my health. I'm sure you're all so interested.
On another note, the time is coming again where I will send out 30-50 applications to the Pittsburgh area school districts. Keep your fingers crossed. I cannot end up in Uniontown again this year or I might just go crazy. Everyone keep your ears open as well. I'll take any help I can get....just get me outta here.
Good night.
On another note, the time is coming again where I will send out 30-50 applications to the Pittsburgh area school districts. Keep your fingers crossed. I cannot end up in Uniontown again this year or I might just go crazy. Everyone keep your ears open as well. I'll take any help I can get....just get me outta here.
Good night.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Movies and Rotten Tooth Man
I love the movies. I especially like going to the theater. The past two boyfriends I had never wanted to go to the movies (as I longed for it.) Yesterday I went to see In Good Company with my friend and her husband. (Thanks for the ticket!!) It was cute. I like Topher Grace. I always wonder with his name...was he always "Topher" or do all of his middle school pals know him as "Chris?" Whatever. It's catchy and he's cute. I was planning on going to see The Aviator today, but with the ice and snow...I doubt I'll leave the house. Couch day. Hopefully there are some good movies on or I'll throw in season 6 of SATC. YUM...Leo...those lips. Oops. Daydreaming again.
Decided to go out last night in anticipation of the weather. Had a good time. However, some guy was hitting on me. First of all he asked me to dance...in a bar. Um, buddy. I don't dance in bars. Especially when there is no dance floor and it's right in front of the bar...or I'm in N.O. and I don't give a fuck. Second of all--> he smiles. ROTTEN TOOTH. Like falling out of his mouth. GROSS!! However quite appropriately I read this article today. Do you think he just got back from Italy? So if any of you guys are out there looking for a girl like me, brusha, brusha, brusha...(anyone get the reference?)
Couch calls.
Decided to go out last night in anticipation of the weather. Had a good time. However, some guy was hitting on me. First of all he asked me to dance...in a bar. Um, buddy. I don't dance in bars. Especially when there is no dance floor and it's right in front of the bar...or I'm in N.O. and I don't give a fuck. Second of all--> he smiles. ROTTEN TOOTH. Like falling out of his mouth. GROSS!! However quite appropriately I read this article today. Do you think he just got back from Italy? So if any of you guys are out there looking for a girl like me, brusha, brusha, brusha...(anyone get the reference?)
Couch calls.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Ode to Chickenfoot
So Doug describes the story of "Chickenfoot" quite well. For all of you Westminnie people...
Ode to Chickenfoot.
Chickenfoot, chickenfoot you were just an urban legend,
until you created the heaven,
of winning beer bowling-their team 3, our team 7.
You've carried the lob - the bounce - and the toss,
our fingers don't have to cross,
we win again...their loss.
We're older now, but to you we owe our luck,
everyday so our lives don't suck,
and no more need for "What the Fuck?"
Chickenfoot, chickenfoot you're not just a folk tale,
but a firm voodoo never fail,
and to you, again, we all hail.
-molly
PS. Thanks Smitty. Without you...the Jets would be on the road Jacksonville.
Everyone Chickenfoot this weekend!!
Ode to Chickenfoot.
Chickenfoot, chickenfoot you were just an urban legend,
until you created the heaven,
of winning beer bowling-their team 3, our team 7.
You've carried the lob - the bounce - and the toss,
our fingers don't have to cross,
we win again...their loss.
We're older now, but to you we owe our luck,
everyday so our lives don't suck,
and no more need for "What the Fuck?"
Chickenfoot, chickenfoot you're not just a folk tale,
but a firm voodoo never fail,
and to you, again, we all hail.
-molly
PS. Thanks Smitty. Without you...the Jets would be on the road Jacksonville.
Everyone Chickenfoot this weekend!!
Audition: Who Am I?
Ha. You probably thought this was going to be about online dating, right? Wrong. Did anyone see American Idol last night? The girl at the end...was she not totally wacked out??? I'm mean totally schizo!! I don't know if she truly had multiple personalities only because I don't think she would freely admit to hearing voices in her head (thanks Sugar Ray for asking!!!) but, there was definitely something totally fucked up about her. Crazy. I also love the totally disillusioned people who really truly think they can sing. Definite hoot.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Wee Will-He Winkle?
I've joined the world of online dating. Yes, folks I'm part of the new generation of dating. I'm still not sure of it as yet. I've just finished checking mymatch.com section and I've received 17 "winks." I will admit that when I first put my profile on I was worried that I would receive no response from anyone. Now I'm kind of skeeved out because of the "winks" I am getting. It's only been 2 days my profile has been on. Is it because it's so passive the way that people "approach" you on this dating enterprise? Trust me, I've NEVER been approached in a bar or other entertainment outings this way. I have only responded to one of them as a "no, thanks" (um, 44 year-old man in FL...ick) because I'm not sure I want to go through with this thing yet. I will be responding to 2 more of them as "no thanks" as one is a 67-year old man in Cairo and another 26-year old man in London. Thanks guys, but my days of a mail-order bride are over. That was so 1999.
So I guess I'm taking suggestions on how to approach this online dating experience. It almost feels invading to me. Do men wink more at women? How many people do they potentially wink at in a night? Week? etc... I also have a few that did not put a picture on. I'm a little weirded out about that thinking--what are they trying to hide? I think if you're going to go to the trouble of putting a profile on, why not a picture? It's all so overwhelming, too. Meanwhile, I've been bitching about not going on a date for 3 years and when it's in my face, I freeze. Am I really the commitment phobe that the online quizzes say I am? Shit, Molly. You only have to "wink" at them...not have their babies!!
Sidenote...
Thank God it's snowing. In the words of my friend, Katie, "I was starting to think I was missing a season." I do love all the seasons which is one reason I enjoy this area of the US. I walked Neville this evening and the snow was so beautiful. It almost looked like a Disney movie the way it sparkled. Pretty. Tomorrow is off for MLK day. Do you think we could squeeze in a 2-hour delay on Tuesday?? Yeah, I know. Pathetic.
So I guess I'm taking suggestions on how to approach this online dating experience. It almost feels invading to me. Do men wink more at women? How many people do they potentially wink at in a night? Week? etc... I also have a few that did not put a picture on. I'm a little weirded out about that thinking--what are they trying to hide? I think if you're going to go to the trouble of putting a profile on, why not a picture? It's all so overwhelming, too. Meanwhile, I've been bitching about not going on a date for 3 years and when it's in my face, I freeze. Am I really the commitment phobe that the online quizzes say I am? Shit, Molly. You only have to "wink" at them...not have their babies!!
Sidenote...
Thank God it's snowing. In the words of my friend, Katie, "I was starting to think I was missing a season." I do love all the seasons which is one reason I enjoy this area of the US. I walked Neville this evening and the snow was so beautiful. It almost looked like a Disney movie the way it sparkled. Pretty. Tomorrow is off for MLK day. Do you think we could squeeze in a 2-hour delay on Tuesday?? Yeah, I know. Pathetic.
Friday, January 14, 2005
What Peanuts Character Are You?
So I just took this quiz (as I always do online) from a link from a comment on Dan's blog. Anyway...I love quizzes and this one was cute.
What Peanuts character are you?
You are Woodstock!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by
What Peanuts character are you?
You are Woodstock!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Time Lapse
Yesterday I left school and decided to head to the 4:10 movie. It was a stretch being that I get out at 3:45 and needed to go home, change clothes, let the dog out and go to the bathroom (being that I NEVER have time to pee during school.) Fortunately the dog had already been let out, so I made it to the movie in time. I saw Finding Neverland. Oh. It was really good. It was just what I needed after the day that I had. I think I'm going to make it a weekly or bi-monthly jaunt. And, I successfully completed a movie by myself. I think I've blogged my past solo-movie experiences, but long-short of it--> they've been disasters. Anyway...I went into the movie and it was light and I came out and it was dark. You could have told me it was 2:30AM and I probably would have believed you. It almost felt like a wharp. It serioulsy was one of the biggest stress relievers I've had in a while. So much that I actually went to the gym that night to walk/run on the treadmill. *I never go to the gym at night because I'm usually so irritated from school that all I want to do is come home, put my PJ's on and talk to no one. I definitely think I will be indulging in the movie deal more often.
I also went shopping tonight. I know I have a ton of purses, but I just had to buy 2 more. I bought the cutest suede, hot pink clutch/wristlet. It's a little bigger than a wristlet, but has the strap like it. Bath and Body Works--$4. I also bought a silver, metalic metal mesh purse at N&Co. --$2.99. You can't beat it!! I also bought some cute sweaters for $9 and $11 and also some really cute pins. I'm restocking my wardrobe for New Orleans.
*********
Bizarre. I'm half-watching something on ABC about Michael Jackson...I suppose they are really "finding Neverland." (I know, terrible. F) God, he's so strange.
I also went shopping tonight. I know I have a ton of purses, but I just had to buy 2 more. I bought the cutest suede, hot pink clutch/wristlet. It's a little bigger than a wristlet, but has the strap like it. Bath and Body Works--$4. I also bought a silver, metalic metal mesh purse at N&Co. --$2.99. You can't beat it!! I also bought some cute sweaters for $9 and $11 and also some really cute pins. I'm restocking my wardrobe for New Orleans.
*********
Bizarre. I'm half-watching something on ABC about Michael Jackson...I suppose they are really "finding Neverland." (I know, terrible. F) God, he's so strange.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
How Much Baggage Do You Carry?
First week back and I've survived. Truthfully...it's all down hill from here. 100 days left and Mardi Gras is less than a month. Can't wait. I just bought the cutest pair of shoes, too!
Took it easy this weekend and stayed in. There's something to say for that. While I love being around people more than anything, I do enjoy some time alone. This was not always the way it was with me. In the past 2 1/2 years that I have moved home to Uniontown, I've learned a lot of things. Now I don't usually hash things out about ex's on my blog, but after reading Dan's for the past 6-8 months, I think it's time you got to know more about me and the baggage I bring. (Don't worry, I travel light these days.)
I think I've always been a person searching for the "perfect love" or "perfect relationship." Girls tend to be raised that way, but I think maybe I have been a little more focused than most. I've had some wonderful relationships in my life (and some bad.) Well, they all have been good and bad in mix. I do try to look back and take one thing from each one that I have learned.
Things I've learned...
EX#1. Intelligence is one's (and your own) most attractive quality.
EX#2. Never lose sight of your goals.
EX#3. Trust in someone...even if it makes you scared.
EX#4. Never lose sight of yourself.
These are probably the most significant men in my life. Though I have had more relationships and encounters than 4, these men made the cut. Sorry guys. Some of you just weren't that impacting. I should probably use names, but if I want to say something nasty, I wouldn't want to ruin they're dating lives, right? haha.
Anyway...EX#1. Ah, one of my favorites. Cute and smart. Ambitious. I was young. Maybe if we would have met down and been more mature things would have worked out. Maybe not. In any sense the most attractive thing about him was that he was so smart. He challenged me in my thoughts even at the young age of 14, 15 etc... We kept in contact for a while-almost the next 7-8 years. I even dumped EX#2 due to an out of blue phone call from him. Love of my life?? Maybe.
EX#2 Nice, funny. Unfortunately, on a completely different path than me. We grew apart. Or rather, I think I grew up faster. I had moved to college and saw the world (literally on a choir trip) and he didn't. Good stopping point in my life, but I would have been totally stuck if I would have stuck. Oh yeah....he cheated on me, too. (A prior and latter recurring theme in my relationships.)
EX#3 Love of my life?? At this point, yes. Literally swept off my feet. So kind, gentle and extremely sexy. We had fun. We loved each other. I still don't know really what happened. He taught me to trust in someone though. That's important...especially for the cheatee woman. I didn't have to really even try in this relationship. It just was. Was fun. Was real. At the end things went sour from what I believe due to some unresolved family issues on his part (though I never got a reason.) Now, he swore he didn't cheat on me, but I have my theories. Even still, for some reason he still taught me how to trust. Weird.
EX#4 Love of my life? Never. Hmmm... Still bitter about this one. Maybe because I lost the person that I was. Maybe because he never really knew the person that I was. Not because I wasn't open, but I think because he never really wanted to know. Classic afterschool special (except the fact that I wasn't in highschool.) He was very superficial and image conscious. Not only about himself but about who was around him. I still remember the remark of "You have a good education from a great college. I don't understand why you just don't use it." Um, Dickhead. I'm not waiting tables and working 2 other jobs because it's fun. But, hear things like that and others enough and you start to believe it. Now, he wasn't text book abusive like "you're stupid, ugly, fat..." but, the digs were there. Never being introduced to childhood friends with whom he still kept in contact with, disapproving looks and snide comments. I think I knew we shouldn't have been together but the whole I-should-be-in-a-relationship-because-I'm-getting-older thing came into play. Meanwhile he was everything against what I had learned from EX's 1, 2, 3. Not intelligent. He passed college and all, but there is a level of intelligence. (If you're one reading this blog, I know you know what I mean.) inadvertently I had changed my mind set of what I wanted to do in order to "fit" into his life." And, three...most important. I didn't trust him. I don't even think from the beginning. I know I wasn't completely out of fault in this relationship. I did some screaming, throwing of things and (a few hits....oops.) However, if someone backs you into a corner you almost always comeout swinging. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, trust me. I did break a few things, but have someone treat you like shit for 2 1/2 years. See how you react. A few things that really pissed me off in the end was that after we had broken up he continued to call me to "see if I was okay." Um, okay buddy. Leave me alone. It literally took me saying that for him to do so. Not until one more phone call, however. One more thing. While we were doing the breaking up thing (for many months) someone had keyed his car the night I happened to be standing outside his window because he wouldn't answer the phone. He blamed me. What really pisses me off is, I swear, I didn't do it! Then 4-5 months after we broke up he called me and accused me of paging him and leaving "666" as a message. Okay. I might have been crazy at times, but come on! Don't you think I would have left something more creative like 9009 (upside down on a calculator it looks like boob.) Now, that I would have been funny. And...I didn't even know the fucking pager number! --->Ah, but I will bury the hatchet as I said I would in my resolutions. Well, for the most part. My revenge still lays on his lack of intelligence. I may be fatter than I want to or not have the job I want, but I can change that. He'll always be adequate.
So, looking forward to the new year and new relationships, I will hold high on these lessons learned from EX's 1-4 and the others before and in between.
There is the open world of me. I suppose I'm fulfilling many resolutions as I'm letting more of myself show in my writing, burying hatchets and writing more-quantity and quality. I'll let you be the judge of quality.
Took it easy this weekend and stayed in. There's something to say for that. While I love being around people more than anything, I do enjoy some time alone. This was not always the way it was with me. In the past 2 1/2 years that I have moved home to Uniontown, I've learned a lot of things. Now I don't usually hash things out about ex's on my blog, but after reading Dan's for the past 6-8 months, I think it's time you got to know more about me and the baggage I bring. (Don't worry, I travel light these days.)
I think I've always been a person searching for the "perfect love" or "perfect relationship." Girls tend to be raised that way, but I think maybe I have been a little more focused than most. I've had some wonderful relationships in my life (and some bad.) Well, they all have been good and bad in mix. I do try to look back and take one thing from each one that I have learned.
Things I've learned...
EX#1. Intelligence is one's (and your own) most attractive quality.
EX#2. Never lose sight of your goals.
EX#3. Trust in someone...even if it makes you scared.
EX#4. Never lose sight of yourself.
These are probably the most significant men in my life. Though I have had more relationships and encounters than 4, these men made the cut. Sorry guys. Some of you just weren't that impacting. I should probably use names, but if I want to say something nasty, I wouldn't want to ruin they're dating lives, right? haha.
Anyway...EX#1. Ah, one of my favorites. Cute and smart. Ambitious. I was young. Maybe if we would have met down and been more mature things would have worked out. Maybe not. In any sense the most attractive thing about him was that he was so smart. He challenged me in my thoughts even at the young age of 14, 15 etc... We kept in contact for a while-almost the next 7-8 years. I even dumped EX#2 due to an out of blue phone call from him. Love of my life?? Maybe.
EX#2 Nice, funny. Unfortunately, on a completely different path than me. We grew apart. Or rather, I think I grew up faster. I had moved to college and saw the world (literally on a choir trip) and he didn't. Good stopping point in my life, but I would have been totally stuck if I would have stuck. Oh yeah....he cheated on me, too. (A prior and latter recurring theme in my relationships.)
EX#3 Love of my life?? At this point, yes. Literally swept off my feet. So kind, gentle and extremely sexy. We had fun. We loved each other. I still don't know really what happened. He taught me to trust in someone though. That's important...especially for the cheatee woman. I didn't have to really even try in this relationship. It just was. Was fun. Was real. At the end things went sour from what I believe due to some unresolved family issues on his part (though I never got a reason.) Now, he swore he didn't cheat on me, but I have my theories. Even still, for some reason he still taught me how to trust. Weird.
EX#4 Love of my life? Never. Hmmm... Still bitter about this one. Maybe because I lost the person that I was. Maybe because he never really knew the person that I was. Not because I wasn't open, but I think because he never really wanted to know. Classic afterschool special (except the fact that I wasn't in highschool.) He was very superficial and image conscious. Not only about himself but about who was around him. I still remember the remark of "You have a good education from a great college. I don't understand why you just don't use it." Um, Dickhead. I'm not waiting tables and working 2 other jobs because it's fun. But, hear things like that and others enough and you start to believe it. Now, he wasn't text book abusive like "you're stupid, ugly, fat..." but, the digs were there. Never being introduced to childhood friends with whom he still kept in contact with, disapproving looks and snide comments. I think I knew we shouldn't have been together but the whole I-should-be-in-a-relationship-because-I'm-getting-older thing came into play. Meanwhile he was everything against what I had learned from EX's 1, 2, 3. Not intelligent. He passed college and all, but there is a level of intelligence. (If you're one reading this blog, I know you know what I mean.) inadvertently I had changed my mind set of what I wanted to do in order to "fit" into his life." And, three...most important. I didn't trust him. I don't even think from the beginning. I know I wasn't completely out of fault in this relationship. I did some screaming, throwing of things and (a few hits....oops.) However, if someone backs you into a corner you almost always comeout swinging. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, trust me. I did break a few things, but have someone treat you like shit for 2 1/2 years. See how you react. A few things that really pissed me off in the end was that after we had broken up he continued to call me to "see if I was okay." Um, okay buddy. Leave me alone. It literally took me saying that for him to do so. Not until one more phone call, however. One more thing. While we were doing the breaking up thing (for many months) someone had keyed his car the night I happened to be standing outside his window because he wouldn't answer the phone. He blamed me. What really pisses me off is, I swear, I didn't do it! Then 4-5 months after we broke up he called me and accused me of paging him and leaving "666" as a message. Okay. I might have been crazy at times, but come on! Don't you think I would have left something more creative like 9009 (upside down on a calculator it looks like boob.) Now, that I would have been funny. And...I didn't even know the fucking pager number! --->Ah, but I will bury the hatchet as I said I would in my resolutions. Well, for the most part. My revenge still lays on his lack of intelligence. I may be fatter than I want to or not have the job I want, but I can change that. He'll always be adequate.
So, looking forward to the new year and new relationships, I will hold high on these lessons learned from EX's 1-4 and the others before and in between.
There is the open world of me. I suppose I'm fulfilling many resolutions as I'm letting more of myself show in my writing, burying hatchets and writing more-quantity and quality. I'll let you be the judge of quality.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Oh, the RAIN
I'm so sick of this rain. Hello??? It's January! It's supposed to be snowing. Not to mention the fact that with it beating down on my roof, I certainly don't want to get out of bed.
Niether does Neville. I literally have to drag him out to go to the bathroom. Off to get ready for school. Late, late, late!
Niether does Neville. I literally have to drag him out to go to the bathroom. Off to get ready for school. Late, late, late!
Monday, January 03, 2005
Christmas Again?!?!?
Can it be Christmas again? My valiant effort of getting ready for the work day and early morning pool exercise after the long (well deserved) Christmas break was foiled by a sleepless night. I didn't end up falling asleep until after 3:30 AM. At 4:45 my alarm went off I rolled over and reset the alarm for an hour later. I still wanted to get to school by 6:30 to do the plans I so lazily neglected. Pool would have to come after school. Just then a sound that for a non-teacher is quite disturbing in the morning: the phone. For a teacher, this sound is music to our ears in the early morning. What dost thou hear next? 2 hour delay. (Due to a water main break downtown.) Could it be Christmas again? I phoned another teacher to leave a message. Rolling back over, I of course couldn't fall asleep due to the excitement of going in 2 hours late. Even though...I was horribly exhausted from my restless night. And here I am now. An hour later...school is cancelled. I know it's just prolonging the agony, but I just wasn't ready to go back yet. Anxiety of Mondays? I don't know. However, the day is welcomed right now. Not sure what I'll do today, but I will begin my New Year's resolutions and make it productive. Though for right now at 7:51 AM, I will have my coffee and watch a little Today Show. Happy Christmas!!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
The New Year...New Me?
New Year's Eve was a success. A few of us went to the Walnut Grill and ended up at a friend's for the evening. Good night.
So it's 2005. What will it entail? Here are some New Year's resolutions. I always make them and at least try to attempt to keep one or two of them. Some are introspective, some are just housekeeping...ah, literally.
1. Develop a healthy lifestyle. I did start 2 1/2 years ago by quitting smoking, but I need to do it all around. I'm heading back to the pool tomorrow morning. 5:00 AM...YIKES!
2. Have my clothes picked out, bag and lunch packed before I go to bed. Hopefully this will keep me more organized as well.
3. Get involved with a charity. I have a few in mind, but need to settle into one.
4. Read at least one book per month. Dan, I will be sending Me Talk Pretty One Day back this week. I'm terrible. You'll also have a cute little gift with it as well.
5. Blog or journal at least every other day. I know you're just dying to hear what I have to say!!
6. Be willing to let myself show through my writing. I think this is why I have so many ideas started, but nothing finished.
7. Settle differences from the past. I don't think I'll seek anyone out to bury the hatchet, but I will let resentments go by the wayside.
8. Join online dating. Yes...I've become part of the crowd. Who knows??
9. Tell my family members and friends I love them and how important they are to me in my life. I think we all know how we feel, but I know it's really good to hear it sometimes.
10. Move. I'm tired of this shithole I've been living in. Sorry to those U'town folks, but I gotta blow this popsicle stand.
As far as healthy lifestyle, back to SouthBeach tomorrow. And, no alchohol 'til Mardis Gras. Well, at least nothing for 2 weeks and no beer 'til then. Dan...you betta git yo ass there!! Count down is 1 month, 1 day.
Happy Birthday, Emily!!
I really should have some pictures on here. Anyone know how??
Off to bed. Being that I have 5 hours until I'm supposed to get up, I should hit the sack. I did pack my lunch and have the coffee pot ready, but I still don't know what I'm going to wear. Shit. I'm already off to a bad start.
So it's 2005. What will it entail? Here are some New Year's resolutions. I always make them and at least try to attempt to keep one or two of them. Some are introspective, some are just housekeeping...ah, literally.
1. Develop a healthy lifestyle. I did start 2 1/2 years ago by quitting smoking, but I need to do it all around. I'm heading back to the pool tomorrow morning. 5:00 AM...YIKES!
2. Have my clothes picked out, bag and lunch packed before I go to bed. Hopefully this will keep me more organized as well.
3. Get involved with a charity. I have a few in mind, but need to settle into one.
4. Read at least one book per month. Dan, I will be sending Me Talk Pretty One Day back this week. I'm terrible. You'll also have a cute little gift with it as well.
5. Blog or journal at least every other day. I know you're just dying to hear what I have to say!!
6. Be willing to let myself show through my writing. I think this is why I have so many ideas started, but nothing finished.
7. Settle differences from the past. I don't think I'll seek anyone out to bury the hatchet, but I will let resentments go by the wayside.
8. Join online dating. Yes...I've become part of the crowd. Who knows??
9. Tell my family members and friends I love them and how important they are to me in my life. I think we all know how we feel, but I know it's really good to hear it sometimes.
10. Move. I'm tired of this shithole I've been living in. Sorry to those U'town folks, but I gotta blow this popsicle stand.
As far as healthy lifestyle, back to SouthBeach tomorrow. And, no alchohol 'til Mardis Gras. Well, at least nothing for 2 weeks and no beer 'til then. Dan...you betta git yo ass there!! Count down is 1 month, 1 day.
Happy Birthday, Emily!!
I really should have some pictures on here. Anyone know how??
Off to bed. Being that I have 5 hours until I'm supposed to get up, I should hit the sack. I did pack my lunch and have the coffee pot ready, but I still don't know what I'm going to wear. Shit. I'm already off to a bad start.
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