Where has the summer gone? I know it's not over, but I feel like I've not had a summer. I took a nap today for the first time in at least a month. It was pretty good, but not as relaxing as I wished it would have been. I woke up feeling guilty that I should have been putting my cabinet doors on or unpacking a box or something. As much as I have been wanting to move, I think my subconscious isn't ready. Not sure why, but something's weighing heavy. Neville sure isn't ready to move. We stayed the other night and he kept me up all night. I brought him over when I was doing yard work and he literally barked for 4 hours. I think he was saying something like, "what have you done to get us kicked out?" And I wanted to answer him, "I'm not sure, but it sucks."
So to answer your comment, Cags...30 is somewhat uneventful and burdensome. Not that I expected some huge revelation...okay, so maybe I did expect a life-changing event. That's my nature. My head-in-the-clouds, optimistic view that makes me the chipper person that I always am (scoff) usually leaves me let down. I have top expectations and then reality sets in and I'm disappointed. Maybe it's the moon, maybe it's the time or maybe it's just me, but I feel very unsettled at this point. I'm one of those people that thinks that everything happens for a reason., but I haven't quite seen a reason for the way things have fallen. It's not what I've chosen, but what's been decided by default. In a nuthell...I hate my town, job, dating status and social life at this point. And for those of you saying it could be worse..."be happy you have a job and a place to live"...a big fat raspberry to you. It's my pity party right now. Don't spoil it with your objective point of view.
Needless to say this isn't my night. Or week. My oven doesn't work, my dog hates my new house, I don't have a new job, and I'm still stuck in this shithole county: alone and dateless none the less. I'd really like to go to bed, wake up in 1998 and start all over again. At least 1999 or 2003.
Damn, am I Crabby.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
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3 comments:
If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
Chin up, fellow Cancerian...
lesterhead posed an important question...
forget the comfort of being in your hometown, the security of your job, and all the other familiar surroundings to which us cancers tend to cling.
if you could have it any other way right now, how would you have it? where would you be? what would you be doing?
i hated my previous apartment, so i moved; it's definitely been a positive change. i miss singing, so i signed up for voice lessons; i can't wait to start in the fall.
making changes is difficult because "the norm" can be easier and more comfortable, but in order to find happiness you might have to take some chances and dig deep for some real answers.
turning 30 can be tough. i've been thinking more about my desire to have a committed relationship and, eventually, kids, if that's something i'm able to do. but it's not something i can control right now.
what we can control is that (by being unattached and by not having the responsibilities that a lot of mothers our age do have) we have the freedom and choice to do whatever our hearts desire. the sky is the limit for us and the time is now.
if your heart longs to be somewhere else or doing something else, then listen to what it's telling you.
lesterhead..
My goal is to get to Pittsburgh, but the past 4 years has failed me. I'm thinking...I need a new goal. Can't move without a job, can't get a job...hmm...what's life telling me?
terible...
good advice. what would i be doing? writing. where would i be? in a bigger city with more opportunity than this.
i am joing a master's league swim team this fall. (my first trial meet is the 5th of Aug and then one on the 12th or 13th...yikes!) but like singing...i miss swimming, too.
i don't even like the norm and it's hard to change. i guess it's the cancer in us.
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