I (Heart) Boyfriends

Oh my....so busy. I can't believe I haven't updated since the 18th. What's new? Not much. A whole lot. The house is coming along great. I should be moved in a couple weeks. I'm looking forward to school being out and getting moved and organized in a new place.

I could bore with the details of the past 10 days, but I won't. What I will excite (bore) you with are some things I've been thinking about lately.

I miss having a boyfriend. The past 4 years I've been in and out of that feeling. More out than anything. It was easy because most of my friends didn't have significant others. Well, seems one by one they are acquiring their beaus and now I'm starting to be reminded of how nice it was to have one. Believe it or not, I did have a couple decent boyfriends. I've been having dreams about them lately, too. Friends and family keep asking me if I'm going to do online dating again. The answer: not now and most likely never again. I just hated it. I dreaded looking at my email. I picked apart every profile that winked at me (which wasn't difficult with most of them.) There were some decent options, but I hated the whole anxiety of it. What makes me reconsider doing it again is that a few of my friends have found some pretty awesome guys, though I'm still not convinced to try it again.

Turning 30 in about a month. Ugh. I'm getting that birthday anxiety I had at 25. I don't know what I'm doing for my birthday this year. I'm throwing a "White Trash" party the weekend after, but I hope I have something fun to do. If you're looking to get me a gift....something over 6 feet with an XY chromosome is preferred. (See above paragraph) Trouble finding that?? Then something bubbly and consumable is an okay swap.

I'm done complaining for now...I'm sure there will be a lot more building up to the dreadful day in July.

Mini-Cap

So I wish I knew where FES was from. That 70's show is over. Great ending. I'm happy Donna and Eric are together....and how appropriate that they went off into the 80's. Had Fox been smart, this is when they would have started The 80's Show.

Will and Grace...great ending. It wasn't as sad as Friends, but I liked it.

For some reason I just thought of Saved By the Bell....Dan I hope you're reading this because I'm thinking of your SBTB song...

Home Owner

It's official.

I'm a home owner.

Moving date is the first week of June.

In 2036...the whole place will be mine.

The End of TV

I'm running out of TV shows. Will and Grace is over tonight. That 70's Show is over tonight.

First 90210, then Friends, now Will and Grace. I haven't found a show to replace them. I didn't jump on the Desperate Housewives wagon and I was too busy to watch Lost when it first began and now am too far behind (unless I rent the DVDs this summer.) 90210 and Party of Five was such a good night. In college the girls would get together that night and watch the shows.

Where are those shows now?

I dig the reality shows, but their seasons aren't like prime time TV night. I was hoping the new Teachers show would have been good, but it was lame.

Maybe I should just start reading more....

(or just watch Sex and the City DVDs!)

Dreams...

Have you seen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? It's adorable. I watched it yesterday and cried like a baby. In fact, I've been in that emotional mood. Not sure if it's the moon or just overload of things to do...house, end of school year, moving, money, change? If you want a cute movie to watch, see it.

I always have the funkiest dreams. Most of you can attest to my everlasting explanation of them. But, my dreams are always soooo vivid. One reoccurring theme are people that I've never seen before. In any interaction there is usually a person I've never seen before. I have a memory like an elephant and almost never forget a face. Names...that that's another story. I can forget a name within seconds of hearing it. (It's that "Nice to meet you " that I never remember to do.) But faces....never forget. Anyways...I have a lot of dreams about people I don't know, never met, never have seen. Only once have I had a dream and actually seen the person. It was when I was living in Richmond. I had a dream I was dating this guy. I was following up the steps (in a house I've never been in) and couldn't understand anything he was saying to me. Whether I couldn't hear him or understand, I don't remember. The next week my friend and I were out to dinner and I saw him. He was sitting with another guy and they were speaking in a foreign language (Russian or something.) Weird. So last night I had a dream about "my boyfriend." At least he was in my dream. Cutey pahtutey I must add. I was staying at his apartment and slept on his couch while he sat up awake next to me. When I got up to shower in the morning I had to wear a bathing suit because his apartment building shared a shower room. There were copper tubs and dressers everywhere. Someone stole my shampoo (which was half full) and my body lotion (which had snowmen on it.) I was pretty upset because someone took my things, but couldn't understand because they weren't even new or nice things. Again, weird. So when I woke up I kept (and keep) remembering his face just in case I might meet him.

Does anyone else have this vivid of dreams?

House of Cards

So it's official. (Almost) I close on my house on the 18th of May. I met with my (personal) handy-man remodeling guy tonight. I'm invisioning Flip this House. Basically I'm totally redoing the house. Pics will be posted soon on the progress...

This weekend was fun. Derby party on Saturday though we're all a bunch of poops. Everyone was asleep by 11:30. Not as young as we used to be. Bet on the Derby...lost. Played poker...lost. All in all I still had a great time. Sunday the girls went to Gypsy, ate, drank and got our readings. My reading was great. Looks like new job will be here just in time for the fall, house will "flip" and I will finally-finally-be moving. Oh yeah....I think there is a man in there somewhere, too. *wink*

Now you may ask why I believe the readings. Why? Well, because they're usually pretty on. Rebecca has been reading my cards for over a year now roughly once a month or so. It's $15 for 15 minutes of clairity and soul sorting. Shouldn't you turn to Jesus for that? Probably...and I do pray each night before bed. And, this is probably less than I'd pay with co-payment to a therapist and quite frankly...I like her. She's personable and doesn't feed me a line of shit. I haven't always been thrilled about my readings. It's not always what I want to hear...trust me. I've been waiting for the "the man of your dreams is going to walk in to your living room tomorrow" line for about 12 years (date of my first card reading.) I'll take the "looks like towards the end of October" I got last night. I'm just happy it's in sight. She also told me I need to let happen, happen. Quit looking at the signs and thinking, "Oh shit. When's it all going to come crashing down?" So I've taken if out of my statements and am going to try to go with the flow. Here goes, right?

I Must Have Been a Dog

So I must have been a dog in college.
Just this past weekend I ran into two people I haven't seen since college and they complimented me like I had been on Extreme Makeover. The compliments were much appreciated, but one even went as far as calling a mutual friend and telling her. Also, I was "cat-called" at a baseball game (though I started to consider it heckling at one point.) I don't think I've done much different lately, but apparently I have because I don't normally have these instances. Looking back though, I don't think that I was a dog, but I certainly wasn't groomed for the AKC show.

10 reasons I was a dog in college...
1. Baseball caps. Quick fix and at the time I thought they were cute like Tomboy cute. (I always have been a girlie-girl. This bitch has never, I repeat never left the house without mascara and some lip gloss.)

2. Sweatshirts/t-shirt. Yeah...I don't think the oversized sweatshirts and beer tees in men's sizes did a whole lot for the figure. Not that the beer gut I acquired was flattering either, but I'm sure it wasn't great.

3. Bad perm. Yikes! I did get a perm in college. It was freshman year and I had it in my head that it would give me more body and loose waves....ah, no. It just looked like a shitty perm. But, it was the early 90's....who's kidding who. I can't justify it.

4. Bad haircut. A series of them. The first was to get rid of the bad perm and head into the "long shag" cut that became so popular from Ms. Aniston. Not so much. I did have a really cool skunk after the shag-aster grew out. But, then I tried to pull off a red pixie with a bloated beer face. Terrible.

5. Overalls. I'm going to try to justify this one, too but I don't know if 4 years of overalls can be justified. Especially with a beer tee or sweatshirt. I know this did nothing for the figure as I remember Kirstie Ally in Look Who's Talking being pregnant in them.

6. Permanent cheap beer can in my hand and winning events in Beer Olympics. Not so much a guy magnet with that one.

7. Winston hanging out the corner of my mouth. I think smoking was much more popular (or so I'd like to think so) when I was in college. Just like the old adds, I was sexy. Ah, right.

8. Frumpy sized clothes. I blame this on my mother. My mom somehow put it in my head that a bigger shirt, pants etc hid the unwanted bulges I acquired from #6 and #7.

9. Pretty girls around me that weren't wearing #1-8.

10. Clearly not reading Cosmo for the fashion tips.

Now I did get a boyfriend my senior year. It was great. We met over a 30-pack. As you can see the romance lasted. But I also dressed up a little (a little) more.

*************
So what brings me back to blogging? Not sure. Therapeutic definitely. One of my readers felt like her subscription had run out. I've kinda felt censored a bit. I don't know if my site meter was a good idea or not. I read it now and feel like I have to bite my tongue in case I offend someone, incriminate myself because I'm not sure who is reading it. Not that I'm doing anything bad or illegal, but I guess it's definitely and insight to your thoughts. That's what I feel like a blog should be: an honest insight to yourself. However, that's what I feel like I'm having trouble with now. I know it stems back to that damn People magazine article I read about people getting fired for blogging and being the victim of a Google search by teh Buckner. Meanwhile all I'm trying to do is get hired somewhere new and get a date. I'm not afraid to say that now at least, but I am concerned of what potential employers would read about my shitty-ass dating life and my journey to 30. Which brings me to a new focus.

My journey to 30...scary, yet I feel like my life is getting better by the minute. Those of you who know how I spent my 24, 25, 26, 28 b-days will know it's usually a waterworks. I was seriously thinking I was going to be one of those women who is afraid to get old running to Botox parties, trying to affair with younger men and wearing bedazzles. Well maybe not all that, but I definitely wasn't fine with getting older. For some reason now, I am. At least this year. I'm doing a bunch of things that don't necessarily make sense and I don't seem to mind it. I'm buying a house in a town I don't want to live, though it is a great opportunity to rent it when I leave. (Notice that if is being removed from all my thoughts.) I bought a leather couch that I know is going to get scratched by my dog, but I think it will have more character. I'm moving out of parents to the new house which I know I will be moving out of in August/September for my new job. (Oh the power of positive thinking.) I bought a leather coffee table, too. I know something will get spilled on it, but the lady at the furniture store told me it wouldn't matter. And instead of being polite and laughing off her offer to "hook me up" with a man she knows from my town (who is at least over 50) I gave a her an ewww look and the "ah, no." Am I getting crotchety in my old age and not giving a fuck what people think? Maybe.
So hopefully this is the revival of my blog. Not the new blog, but the way it was intended to be. A candid look into what this Girl In the Corner does. How she thinks and the way she lives her life. Future employers and dateables beware. You might just like what you see.

Word Cloud

Word Cloud...via Lesterhead....very cool.

What I Sound Like When I Talk With My Friends

Swam today, aerobics tonight. Had some oatmeal with peanut butter (my new favorite) and even had some organic crackers....with processed cheese spread!!! HA! I'm sure all the organic, crunchy-granola, cloth grocery bag toting, Earth children probably would have a fit that I would combine the two, but I thought it was pretty funny. I actually wanted the Asiago cheese spread but didn't have any. Now don't think I went out and bought organic crackers (bought a HealthFood basket at a chariety auction.) Quite frankly the crackers are tasty, but I would never spend the money on organic food. I just don't think it's necessary.

I had some really funny dreams last night.
1. I was wearing my underwear underneath my swimsuit and I thought, "Oh my God. I'm such a tool."
2. The other was about a guy I work with...he was wearing a Civil War hat and a custodial jump suit and crawling around on the floor. I had a number of other ones, too.

I also had some funny thoughts today, too. Like...
1. What would it be like to be flushed down a toilet? Could Mythbusters make one and actually do it? Would you have to wear scuba gear in case you could drown from the force? Would it be a fun ride at a water park? (pending safety of course.)
2. I felt like Pee Wee in Pee Wee's Big Adventure today...specifically the part where he's walking in the night through the rain and hisses at someone when they ask him a question. (Bad day at work...)

I know this post is random, but that's kinda how I feel today. I'm more than ready for the school year to be over. More than ready.

I feel like I should write a post that might get more response. I also wonder who all reads this sometimes....I know who my regulars are...who are the others. Do-do-do, do. (That's my scary sci-fi noise.) I'll have to start coming up with some intriguing posts. I will say, now that I've been swimming...I feel like writing more. Wow...the card reader in NOLA did tell me to be around water, it does good for me.

On the sci-fi thing and then I'm off to bed. I have two new favorite shows -though I don't know exactly when they are on.
1. Most Haunted
2. Ghost Hunters

I love the supernatural and anything that goes with it. These shows scare me (only a little) but I'm fascinated!!! Ghosts used to scare me, but now I'm sort of used to them. Now that's a whole other post...maybe that'll be the one to get my readers talking.

Okay...off to look for supernatural on TV (or in my bedroom.) Goodnight

Up All Night, Fool All Day

I did it. Signed my life away...not really. However, I signed all of the preliminary stuff for my "new" house. I'm excited, but nervous. One thing I am excited about is redecorating and shopping for house type stuff. Two of my favorite things.

How lazy was I this weekend? Very. Had a few drinks after signing my paperwork on Friday with my friend Cortney and was in bed, asleep by 10:45. I woke up briefly for 5 minutes just after 11 and tried to watch Best Week Ever with no success. Saturday I did go for a walk, but then was again asleep by 10:05. I did wake up in the middle of the night and watch some cheesey teen movie called The Trojan War (have to say it was pretty funny.) Then today...took a nap! What a lazyass. However, this is where it leaves me now. 12:17 AM and I'm up. Hhhmmm..

Can't believe it's April. And, speaking of April...my mother literally put me in tears of laughter yesterday. For YEARS my mother would always pull the same April Fool's Day jokes. 1. "There's a deer in the yard." and 2. "It's snowing outside." Living in PA you can get away with the snow joke most years in April. My sister and I would fall for it as kids, but as we got older a strained yawn from under the covers would come up with "Ok mom. April Fool's. Ha, Haaa." So yesterday as I was helping my mother prepare for early Easter dinner with grandparents today she says...
Mom: Guess what? I was downtown today and you'll never believe what I saw by the Fayette Bank builing?
Me: What?
Mom: A deer!
Me: No shit. Poor thing. Probably was lost. Remember when that one went through the Healthmart on Gallatin Avenue years ago?
Mom: (With hand over mouth and gasping for air into laughter) April Fool's!!!!
Me: (Instant tears) OH MY GOD! I can't believe (tears and silent laugh) I can't believe I fell for that!!

I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. So what did I do? Called my sister. Guess what?? SHE FELL FOR IT, TOO!!!! Hahahahha. Can you believe it?

I know. Sounds stupid, but it being the longstanding joke...very funny.

Girlfriends

Due to the time and the wine, this post will be short and sweet...

I just got home from a girls' night from my friend Tara's house. I love girls' nights.


There's just something that you get from your girlfriends that you just don't get from anyone else.

Back By Popular Demand

I sat down in church next to this really cute guy. He leaned across me to get something from the pew and kept leaning and leaning until he ended up leaning his cheek into my lips. As I said to him, "Ah, I don't think you know me like that." He smiled and replied, "Sure I do." So we sat there and held hands the rest of the service. Instantly, I have a boyfriend. We spent the next week running around everywhere. I introduced him to everyone. His name is Brian. He's so cute.
And then the alarm went off...but, it was a really good dream. Disappointed? Yeah. Me, too.

If only getting a boyfriend was that easy.

I don't know why I've been in such a funk about writing, but I have. Well...I know a little bit why. This sounds stupid, but it's true. I read this article in People magazine about people getting fired over what they blog. I try to keep this as anonymous as possible, but checking my site meter has let me see that people have Googled me and found my blog. My main concern...future employers reading my vent and stupid stories and not hiring me. I will say it censors me a bit.
Funny...now that I've said that I feel like I left the disclaimer to say what I want.

And, one of my dear friend flattered me by asking me to start blogging again. She even said something like, "It's like my daily Enquirer!" Thanks!!

(I think I need to get these claw nails trimmed down as typing is becoming increasingly difficult.)

News Updates on me...

1. Heading down the homestretch in school. I hope I make it. They're like caged animals at this point.

2. Started swimming again. This time very seriously and actually enjoying it. Up to 2500 yards (100 laps) a day/ 4 days a week in addition to my aerobics class that I love.

3. Coaching is over. I'm glad because it was a long season, but it was a lot of fun.

4. Dating status...single (except in my dreams.)

5. I'm officially in my first wedding. Almost 30 and never been a bridesmaid. My friends Matt and Katie's wedding. 14 months to get real skinny. I think I can do it. (Maybe I'll have a date for that wedding??)

6. I'm buying a house.

Now I know it sounds stupid to buy a house, and the reason I decided to buy it is probably dumber, but strangely enough....it makes sense. I know...why would I buy a house in a town I don't want to stay in? Well, a friend of the family's mother passed away in January which leaves this house. It's small, very reasonable and there is a rental on top which pretty much pays the mortgage. I figure when/if I get a new job in Pittsburgh, I can rent out the place where I'll be living. It's exciting, but still makes me nervous. It needs some cosmetic work like wallpaper stripping, carpet, yada, yada, but is doable. And, it gives me equity. Most importantly...I can actually not live with the 'rents. (Angels sing.)
Now...why did I all of a sudden decide to buy this place? My card reader. Yes, I listened to the card reader. Long short of it she said it would be best if I moved. It didn't make sense, but we sometimes need to do what doesn't make sense to get what we want. My logic?? Nothing has been going my way for 4 years, so why not?

T.V. stuff...
1. New Teachers show...stupid. It wasn't anything close to what goes on in a school. No idiot would even attempt to drink beer (although sometimes we think the kids are going to drive us to it) nor would the amount of flirtation/sexual harassment go on. Sure we joke around...those f us who know each other!! If I was a new teacher/substitute and another teacher would hit on me like that...I would have his ass fired (and be sitting pretty in my BMW. ha!)
The fact of the matter is that would never occur. The show was slightly redeemable at the end when the canned jokes stopped and an (innocent) romance is on the rise. I'll turn in again, but based on tonight, I doubt it lasts.

2. I want Rachel Ray's job on $40 a Day and I want to marry Jim O'Connor from The
Secret Life Of. What a great life that would be and I would not keep it secret!

3. American Idol...poor showing tonight. Anyone could be off.

4. America's Next Top Model...love that show.

Other than that, I'm done today. I have PowerPoint project that is due tomorrow that I haven't started yet. I do have a two week window to turn it in (via online) but I really should have it done. Have the day off tomorrow to do it so that will be a nice break from the mayhem called school.

I promise to try to be less censored about blogging.

Layin' Low

I'm back. Kinda. I just feel like I want to be in hibernation mode right now. This post may be brief...maybe not. I'm just going to write until I feel like quitting. (Or my new nails permit me to do so.) I got nails. Nothing like BAPS or anything. Just gel coats over my own nails. Made them a lot longer as they are stronger. They look nice, but are not as easy to type.

Mardi Gras was great as usual. The crowd was still there despite the devistation surrounding. No real great stories...the usual. Drinking, parades, dancing, eating. I feel like I've dried out by now. We did have a great time dancing one night in which I was told I said, "Hey...I'm going to grab a beer. Hold my Iraqi." We went to one place where all you saw were "grillz." Scary, but funny. I did the whole Hurricane experience (in which I honestly don't think I've had a Hurricane in the 3 previous Mardi Gras...weird) and topped it off with a Hand Grenade. Yeah...needless to say there was a mid-day nap in that day. Overall it was a great experience and always nice to visit with Emily. I did get my cards read by a gypsy. The was pretty cool. Apparently I'm having twins, have 3 enemies and am getting a new job (among other strangely eerie things.) Let's hope it's in reverse order.

Weird things today....I watched an episode of Saved By the Bell today that I have never seen before. (I love this show.) Zack was supposed to be in a movie at Bayside with some young movie star guy that was hitting on Kelly. They all went to a party and the guy was smoking pot and Kelly was pressured right before the commercial break to smoke it. This of course was prefaced earlier in the show with Jessi in a support group talking about her addiction to caffeine pills (remember that one??) And then this evening...I caught an episode of Friends that I had never seen before. Weird.

Started an aerobics class that's a mixture of tai bo, kickboxing, spinnng, step and etc...It's kicking my ass, but I really like it. 20 pounds down, 40 more to go by July 4th.

It's 11:20 and I should be asleep, but the Flavor of Love is on and I have to see who he picks. I love this show! In fact, I love all the shitty reality shows. VH1 and MTV are the best because of the marathons they run on the weekends. I just finishe "There and Back" with Ashley Parker Angel from OTown. That's the best worst. I just love when the scene freeze-frames and he steps out. Tonight...his song made it on the radio and he freeze-framed and jumped on the truck next to him. Great. I love it!

School is winding down. 54 days left....seems like a lot, but it will go really fast. I think I'll always look forward to summer. I really need to work this summer, but I really don't want to. IWell am teaching 3 classes at a local branch of PennState. Kids' classes. Get this....cooking, Wizards and wizarding (HP class) and (drumroll please....) Scrapbooking! HA!! I hate that shit, but it's simple and easy for kids to do. $20/hour so I can't pass it up. I'd like to find something else to do, but I don't want it to interfere with my walking in the morning and pool time in the afternoon. That's why I'm in education. Summers, baby.

Well, my knees are getting tired of holding the laptop up and I'm going to try to watch the rest of Flav. More updates later....I may lay low the rest of this month, but I'll promise to refresh myself in April.

Coming Soon...

Between work and the flu, I don't think I'll be updating until this weekend...I soooooo need some sleep.

It's that Time of Year....

Mardi Gras Time!!

I will be on hiatus for the next week. Good juicy stories to come!

Until then...

This is Random Bitch...

It's that time of year again. Mardi Gras time! My 4th one and I'm rip roaring ready to go. I haven't had a day off of work in a long time and more importantly...I haven't been out of Fayette County in a while. Being that I'm used to traveling out of state at least once a month, not even getting to Pittsburgh on a regular basis has taken it's toll on me. Coaching has had me tied up. I feel like a CityMouse stuck in a CountryMouse life. What better place for a girl to go than NOLA?

I've been kinda bummed this weekend. I think relationships (or lack there of) has taken toll on me as well. Now before you comment "don't worry...it will come," or "it's always when you're not looking for it," hold off. I don't really want to hear those. No single girl does. In fact....now that I read this, I'm thinking of changing the tone of my blog lately. It might be bitchy single girl...rather Bridget Jones-esque.

It's been 4 years that I've been single. F-O-U-R years. That's ridiculous. I've had a few dates (and I say few loosely.) There's times where I really want to head full-force back into dating, but then I actually get a little scared. I think if there was someone totally interested, I might be ready....but that's the biggest fucking problem. The dating pool here is full of polio and I don't see any sign of a vaccine in the works. Yes, I'd like to move, but that presents another problem. Job. I can't move without a job and I haven't been able to find a new job. Then some fucking cornhusker wins the Powerball. What kind of fairness is that?

What's good in my life right now, you ask? I've lost 20 pounds. (1/3 to my goal for the dreaded 3-0!) I don't mind my job this year. Thank the Lord or I might have pull my fingernails out. Speaking of...my little treat to myself: nails. Don't worry. It's not like B.A.P.S. They're tasteful. Gel coats over my real nails (which are actually long.) I was tired of having them break or the polish chip off in a day. They look nice and aren't too hard on the keyboard either.

The Eve...

The Eve. The Eve of the Day. Valentine's Day.

I don't like when Valentine's Day falls during the week. Totally cramps my SATC marathon and wine and cheese binge. I really thought this year I might have a Valentine. The night is still young and the Day is long. I guess I am a hopeless romantic.

Looking back on Valentine's Day gifts....I received some good gifts, but honestly?? Mostly a lot of bad.

Good Gifts:
Bobby Brown: My Perrogative (cassette)
Annonymous carnation delivered in high school
Apartment cleaning and dinner made
Stuffed animal and flower
Rose and cookie cake (remember those?)

Bad Gifts:
No card (this one can repeat many a times...is it that hard fellas???)
FarSide book (still in the bag)
I got to pay for dinner...wasn't that nice?
Shitty box of chocolates
No card
Forgot

I never asked for anything for Valentine's Day....well early on...then I just flat out told two of the guys I was dating, "I don't give a f**k what you get me. However, if you don't get me a simple card, I'll lose my shit."
And what happened after that? I swear to you more than once, I didn't get a card. Bastards. Meanwhile I would have settled --actually been quite pleased-- with a PostIt stuck to the kitchen counter.

What will this Valentine's Day bring? A vet appointment with my dog. That's the only date I have. However...the hopeless, I repeat, HOPELESS romantic in me still thinks my knight in shining armor will show up with something. Who's the knight, you ask? As soon as you find him let me know, too.

Anyone---any good or bad gifts? Add them to the comments.

Valentine's Day Turd. Updated Version

I'm not sure where the original story is, but here is the "new" version of the infamous Valentine's Day Turd. Hope memory serves me right.

Picture it. February 14, 1998. Four lonely girls. One Red House.

"I hate Valentine's Day. I'm banning it this year."
"Me too. I'm sick of people oogling each other, getting flowers, cards and candy and not have my own boy to schmooze."
"Yeah. I wish I was getting shit for Valentine's Day!"
"Let's throw a Wine and Cheese party??!"
"Yeah. With paper hearts and we'll all wear black."
"Awesome!"

So the four ladies in waiting start preparing the infamous Red House for one of our huge parties. Last huge party was homecoming and well, a sliced finger, cops and landlord arriving: it got a liiiitlllle out of hand. We thought we'd keep it low only inviting singles and rules were that you must bring wine, you must wear black. Easy enough.
With three of us being elementary education majors, construction paper was always on hand. We began cutting out our hearts (no pun intended) of pink and red and hanging them from the ceiling. 10 turned to 20, 30 turned to 80 and by the end of it there must have been at least 300 in our modest, crooked apartment on Waugh Avenue. All hanging from the finest of OralB dental floss, the hearts transformed the dismal dump to a romantic heaven. Hearts in every room and swaying as the sliding glass door was opening and shutting all so often.
The word was out and by 7:00 PM the ladies had begun their night. All dolled up with our uniforms of black shirts, jeans and black boots, our smokey eye-shadowed eyes were glistening with a few glasses of wine already slung down. No one was going to ruin our night. Man or not, we were going to rock it.
The part was a hit. People were everywhere. People we knew, people we didn't. The quaint get together had blossomed to an awesome low-key blowout. No cops, no landlord, no drama. Excellent party! We all headed to bed at different times...not even sure when. The Black Valentine's Day party was over.

Until the next day.

By the time we all were up, greasy-breakfasted, napped and up again the usual trail of people started arriving. The Red House was a haven for WC. The gathering ground for post-party gossip, break-up tragedy and everyday drama. If you wanted to know something, get to the Red House. If the four of us didn't know, someone soon to arrive would. As the misfits started to pour in few comments came with them.

"damn. Look at the ashtrays on the porch."
"There are still wine bottles in the tub."
"Did you know there's a pair of shitty boxers next to your dumpster?"

Whah, whah, whah, what?????

"Yeah. I walked down from Hillside through Overflow and there's a pair of boxers laying next to your dumpster and I think someone wiped there ass with them."
(Bouts of laughter)

So we all jump up and go out the back door to inspect the evidence. Where the hell would those come from? Who do they belong to? Who went home without underwear? We all headed back into the house. Sitting on the couches trying to decipher the night the questions arose.

"I just don't get it. Why would someone leave their boxers back there?"
"Um, hello. Why didn't they just use our bathroom?"
"Why don't we go look outside again?"

So we all trudge outside again. This time noticing "other evidence." Enter...toilet paper.

"Holy shit! Look! There's toilet paper over there!"

A few pieces (looked like a buncher not a roller had left them) were in a line. Kinda like when Bobby and Cindy got lost in the Grand Canyon and left the popcorn train with the little Indian boy?? So we followed the trail. A metal glass. Looks a lot like the ones we have in our kitchen. It is one of the ones we have in our kitchen! And, it's still half full of wine! It's next to the couch. (Yes. We had a couch in the back yard. Wasn't ours. It belonged to the guys who used to live in our house and our landlord had yet to get rid of it. We were in college, okay?)

Picture the line...shitty boxers, bunched up toilet paper, metal glass half full of wine...and wait. What the...?? Oh. My. God. There's a turd on the couch. A big huge log. "It's lo-og, it's lo-og."
Who the...? What the...? Why...?

"Who the hell would A: Pinch a loaf on a couch, and B: Clearly leave without their boxers?"

After questioning most of the AlphaSig boys next door and clearly knowing it wasn't them, we started to wonder. This went on most of the night while watching SouthPark and random movies. Every 15 minutes or so a reference to the clues would come up and still a mystery. After many ramblings it all started to come together.

"Wait a minute. Nicki and I were in the bathroom last night and some asshole kept knocking on the door. I told him wait a minute! He was totally being a jerk. I yelled back at him and then said the hell with it. When we came out, no one was there."
"Wait. I remember the back door being open and I thought it was strange, but just assumed someone went outside to smoke a cigarette."
"Wait. Who would go out the back door to smoke when everyone always goes out the front."
"Terri had some friends here from highschool. Maybe they did. They had never been here before."
"That's who was yelling at the door. I heard someone yelling to get in the bathroom and I peeked in and didn't know who the hell it was. When I looked back in, he was gone."
"Wait. I wondered who opened the backdoor and left it open."

Ohhhhhh. I bet...
I bet...
I bet...

Moral of the story...

Be careful what you wish for. You might just get shit for Valentine's Day.

Secret Valentine?

Valentine's Day is looming. Arggh! (That's my lonely pirate impression.)

Wouldn't it be great to get a secret Valentine message? Known Valentine message? Any Valentine message?

Not sure if I'll send Valentines out this year or not. I would love to have a party like the Valentine's party from senior year of college. We decorated the entire house with paper hearts -literally a few hundred. It looked pretty cool and was a lot of fun. Filled the bathtub with bottles of wine and the table with cheese. We all wore black boycotting the day. Ah, times were so simple then.

Does anyone have the Valentine's Day Turd story I wrote in college? I'm going to try to dig that one up...if not, I'll rewrite it. May take a while as I'll have to conference with Cags for some details.

Shhhhh....It's a Secret

This is a blog that I've been reading for a while. I like the idea of it. I've not sent anything in, but I have a lot that I've considered. I definitely want to buy the book.

Maybe I'll make a postcard tonight. Hmmm...